Gee Whiz

Have you ever been on the verge of tears but you're doing a pretty good job of keeping it together---until someone gives you a hug or asks "What's wrong"? Well, Gabrielle that's what your response to my last post did to me. I just bawled. You've seen Monsters Inc. right? You know this part..."Keep it together man!" and then the little monster slaps the big one? If you've seen it you know what I'm talking about, if not...well, you should. I feel like I need a slap. (Please don't anyone take that literally or it would really just make matters worse.)
Now, get into your best downward dog pose and imagine with me.....Let's just say that you put some money into a bank account, ok not just some but ALOT, ALOT, ALOT of money into this hypothetical account. The bank says it's going to give you a great monthly interest rate. Said bank then begins making interest payments monthly to you. Life is grand right? The interest it's giving you is even more than you need or can spend so you reinvest it or you put it back into your account. Now the monthly interest is even more so you just keep putting it back in although you allow yourself to buy a nice house and a boat one year. Then a few more houses to rent out and then sell the boat and buy a really great boat the next year. You finally feel like you've got some elbow room. Those houses have a lot of equity in them so you decide to take that and put it in your bank account too. Now not only are you easily paying the mortgages but you can even reinvest the extra. Life is GOOOOOOD. But wait, suddenly your bank tells you that they aren't going to pay the interest anymore! Their timing is especially lousy because you just closed on a huge, nice home and moved into it. (Not because you felt you deserved it, it was only meant to be a great real estate investment) This bank then promises it will pay again "soon". So you continue with your perfect life but are slightly beginning to worry, but they said they'd pay so they will right. In the meantime you still have to make all your mortgage payments. Your husband starts working like a dog to pay the bills. Sure he was working before, but that was just side jobs because you didn't really need the money and you still had plenty in savings. Even though he works from sun up to sun down (literally) it's not enough...all those house payments...Little by little your savings is drained (which was substantial--being squirreled away for a rainy day). Next you begin to use your credit cards because you know your bank will give you the interest soon and you can easily pay off all your cards (and then some) with the great interest rate you are getting. Last to go is the money you've been saving on behalf of your darling children ($50 bucks a month for the past 5 1/2 years). There's not too much there but you still feel guilty (besides the fact it's yours anyway). Now your bank tells you the best news of all...they were never giving you interest at all, they were just giving you back your own money! Yes...just let that sink in...deep down. Your mind races, "but I took out all that equity, I used credit cards (which I NEVER do), I bought a BOAT for Pete’s sake--why, I never would've bought a boat until I could pay for it with cash...but I had all that interest and..." You must sit down before you fall down. Your heart races and you begin to sweat. "How can I make all my payments without that interest I was counting on?!?" Anger, remorse, depression, humility. You can't. Well, you can just barely pay for everything but that last stupid house if your husband works his butt off. (Which he does. Work his butt off I mean--he's lost 20 lbs. so far). You put the house and the boat up for sale, but no one wants it at the price you need to get. Now everyone wants to help you buy Christmas presents and food and it's humiliating. You don't really need the help, you think, I got myself into this mess by making a dumb decision to trust someone else with my money, and I can get myself out. Humiliating and embarrassing at first, then it's just so very humbling and you're so grateful.
"This too shall pass". You thank Heavenly Father that it's only money. It could've been something much, much worse that taught you this kind of humility. You're still healthy, you're family is all still alive and well. You still have your newborn baby that looks up at you from her place in the crook of your arm with angelic eyes and coos back at you. You feel a bit; ok a lot, weathered and a little wiser. You know it's not the end but at least it's more in the right perspective and you've gained empathy for a lot of other people in your same boat. (Man it was a nice boat too, to bad it’s got to go!)

life lately

Well, I read my profile and think back to the good old days when we were naive and happy. I don't write in a journal so this is it. If you're a friend or family and you can't handle black and white bluntness you might just want to skip this part. I get on my family website or my blog every day to just forget about my present life if it's only for a little while. As far as Aaron and I go--we're great, I can't state that enough. We are very much in love and I couldn't be more grateful for that. I know our girls know it too. We're all so happy when Aaron finally gets home. He's been killing himself working so hard lately. He gets up at 5:30 am and doesn't get home until around 7 or 8pm. He tries so, so hard to take care of his dear little family and it kills me to watch him. I am so thankful I've got such a good man for a husband. I don't know what I'd do without him. Christmas is around the corner. It's crazy, I NEVER thought in a million years that we'd be the family that people are helping. I know I am prideful but it's just so hard for me to accept. We used to be the ones helping. I guess what comes around goes around and I've had to eat a nice big helping of humble pie. We're starting to slowly pull ourselves out of the deep hole of debt we dug by trying to keep paying for this gigantic house. It's embarrassing to say that we might have to short sale or foreclose but we see it as the only way out now. My mom always used to tell me, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." Boy, was she right. We invested almost everything we had and what savings we didn't invest we used to pay our mortgages (we've got 5). We've been desperately trying to sell all of them but they all have prepayment penalties so we can't yet. As far as this one is concerned though, it's squashing us so between good advice and prayers we've decided to let it go. Who knows maybe we'll end up back in Ogden living in the ghetto. (It wasn't all that bad, actually we were happier there than living on the golf course here.) I have to look at the bright side and figure that way at least Olivia would learn spanish in kindergarten. I really hope that no one is still reading this, it is very personal but I posted it on the web so what did I think would happen? Oh well. Hopefully it will help my posterity out someday. We're not as bad off as it sounds on here. As long as we're not paying this mortgage we can afford more important things like food and diapers (yay for diapers, I can't imagine using cloth like my mom used to when I was a little girl, I remember poking April with one of those big pins. Ouch! Sorry Ape.) So, anyway that's my rant for the day. This is the first time I've written it down and it feels good. I know that within a year we'll be back to normal (other than credit scores that is). I guess I shouldn't feel too bad about it, we're not white-trash dead beats that refuse to make their payments (like soooooo many renters we've had in the past) we're just losing our home along with half of America right now. Thank heaven for a prophet and for food storage. We were very lucky that we listened to him and were prepared for this.
On a lighter note, although I'm admittedly not the best mom in the world, my kids are little rays of sunshine in this cloud of despair. They are so oblivious and therefore silly and crazy and funny. They make me laugh every day. Especially Macey, she's my littlest angel and her sweet smiles melt me. We've still got PLENTY to be thankful for! :)

Halloween '07

Hawaii

Aaron took me to Hawaii for Valentine's Day last year. My blog is totally out of order because this is when I was 4 months prego with Macey. Oh well, the only people looking at my blog are friends or family anyway so they won't care, right?

Here's our little "Chubby Bunny" dressed up for Halloween. So cute!!!

Macey's blessing day

As you can tell this was after church. The girls were hungry and weren't too excited to sit for pictures. All things considered I still think it's pretty dang cute.